I haven't written in this for a while, and I don't know why I'm bothering now, seeing as Xanga is practically obsolete these days with Myspace being all the rage.  Oh well.

I've had my ups and downs since we left off, and it continues that way.  I can't control my emotions at all, they just go back and forth.  I'm still working, making money, and have the occasional socialization.  Last night I went trick-or-treating with some friends I made since I last wrote in this thing (that's how long it's been).  It was fun.  I usually work about 5 days a week now in total, so I try to make the most of my free time.  It's actually kind of depressing now that I think about it.  Well at least I get my check in a couple days.  I haven't seen Kevin in a while, or Ron.  I really don't have friends I see steadily anymore, just kind of every now and then.  This is also kind of depressing.  Ugh...I don't think I'll ever be ok.

That's all for now.  Maybe I'll write in this again soon, maybe it'll be a while.  Who knows?

I'm in the school library as I type this, which is is not relevant to anything except for two things.  One, I have nothing better to do right now because I've been excused from gym, and two, so far I've obviously lasted here and haven't dropped out yet.

But I have a long road ahead of me, in so many ways.  If I'm going to perservere, I have to deal with school for about 8 more months.  That's a long time to be put through hell.  It's not just being at school that's hell, it's the whole cycle of getting up ridiculously early in the morning, being there, going home, work more days than not, go to bed, do it all over again.  It feels like too much.  Will I last?  Only time will tell.

I can't stand myself as of late.  I'm too weird a person for most people's tastes.  Recently many people have asked me if I'm high, or on any type of drugs.  I answer them with an honest "no", and without fail, they always reply "Are you sure?"  No, I'm not sure, I smoked too much weed this morning to be-YES, I'M FUCKING SURE!

A guy at school told me I just have that look about me.  Said I have circles around my eyes.  Great, I feel so attractive.  Not that I'm looking for compliments from guys, but I don't need insults either.

No wonder I don't have a girlfriend...why would any girl want to be with a guy who looks/acts high 24/7?  And to think that all along I thought I was so good-looking.  Who the hell am I kidding?  I must be one of the ugliest motherfuckers alive.

Fuck!

New song...Still Frame by Trapt.  Played it on here a million times, but couldn't decide on a song and it's just a good song in general.

A lot has happened since I last updated...I guess I'll just sum it up by saying that I had a good rest of the summer.  Tonight was the first night since I started going to Shampoo that I didn't go.  Kevin didn't want to go, and Ron couldn't.

I had my first day at Maple Shade High School yesterday.  It was weird being back, especially with all the people who remembered me and had no idea I was gonna be there.  Overall, I didn't like it.  I was just so intimidated and overwhelmed by everything, and I thought I wasn't gonna fit in socially.  However...today was so much friggin' better.  I'm already getting used to the structure, going from class to class, I think I'm gonna be able to handle the work, and it even seems as if I'll be ok socially.  I'm finding the classes mentally stimulating and the teachers are all very nice.  As far as the social aspect, I haven't made a million friends, but I had lunch with Michele from my math class today and we're planning on sitting together tomorrow too, so it's nice to have a friend I can see to brighten up my days.  Technically I'm still in 11th grade because I was out of school for a while, but they're trying to get my credits together so I can graduate as quickly as possible, and I won't have to do another full regular year after this one.  I had my doubts about whether this would work out, but I think it just might.  I want to graduate from High School and I do believe I've found a way.

Currently Listening You and Me By Lifehouse see related

New song...You and Me by Lifehouse.  Using it because I had it in my head last Saturday at a certain point.

Let's see, Tuesday went to a carnival like I said I was going to and it sucked.  Wednesday night went to Shampoo with Kevin and Tim and kind of had fun.  Thursday didn't really do anything, Friday went to the mall, which wasn't that great.  Didn't get any sleep that night, went to work the next day and then went to the mall with Kevin and Ron.  It sucked for a while, but it got better later.  For one thing Chelsea, Shelby, and Jess showed up and I hung out with them for a little while, then later on Kevin slept over, didn't sleep at all, went to work the next day, later went to a movie and dinner with my mom and Thelma.  Then finally got some sleep that night...woke up at 4 in the afternoon yesterday.  Didn't do much for the day, went to work tonight from 6-11, and here I am.  So tomorrow I'm gonna go to Shampoo, I guess with Kevin, don't know what's going on with Ron, I'm sure he'll be there.  Hope that goes well.